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Do I encourage my child to accept him /herself?

Little Britain comedian David Walliams has written his first children’s book, about a boy who wears a dress. Walliams is considered a bit different with speculation around his sexuality, yet refuses to comment on it.

When it comes to accepting difference in others, we could learn a thing or two from our children. Children are naturally more accepting than adults and have no pre conceptions, yet they learn from us. How can we ensure we model acceptance and respect difference outside the home?

Respect Difference in Sexuality: In my experience it has only been good for my children to see that their parents have friends with a different sexual orientation. Everybody benefits and learns something new when they interact with difference and remember to see the person first. The more we treat others with respect and without prejudice, the less homosexual prejudice there is in schools and workplaces.

Respect Spiritual Difference: Show your child by your words and actions that you respect other spiritual beliefs. You may need to look at your own biases and re-examine them for the sake of your children. Again, be open to meeting the person first and learning something new.

Respecting difference in our children means you see each child as unique and individual and tell them that there s ‘nobody like them’. Conformity in children comes about through them becoming ‘people pleasers’ in order to be accepted by their parents. Higher self esteem is assured when parents are accepting of difference, affectionate and involved in whatever interests their child. When a child knows that you accept them, just as they are, they are more inclined to share feelings as well as problems.

Social Differences: one of our children may be a social animal, and another may not be an ‘eager joiner’ so what do you do? Each child needs to know ‘I am special’ and their presence should not be ignored, ridiculed or dismissed. Your social child may love team sports, group activities and Scouts but these may not suit another child. A quieter child may prefer reading, cycling and the company of a single friend.

Creative Difference: Beware of the parent who pushes their child to fulfil the parents unfulfilled sporting achievements. Allow your child to choose what hobby is of interest to them. In my case, despite interest in tennis and French, I ended up with two competitive pool swimmers!

Intellectual Difference: See the genius in your child and affirm their vast potential. Tell them that if they apply themselves persistently and consistently and believe they can do it, then they probably can. Tell them you believe in them; and remember about how that makes you feel when you are challenged.

Emotional Difference: Children can be different emotionally but every child’s greatest need is for your unconditional love for who they are, not what they do. Ensure you hug, nurture, affirm, listen, treat and encourage them.

Expose your child to many cultures and take advantage of the cultural diversity we enjoy nowadays. There are many fun activities around this or create your own theme night with food music and dress!

Tips in celebrating difference:

• Our children accept difference, why can’t we?
• Drop your preconceptions, your child has none
• See each child as unique and individual
• Accept your child just the way they are
• Help your child identify what interests them
• Affirm her unique physicality
• Socially, ensure your child feels special and seen
• Intellectually believe in them and their capacity
• Model respect of other spiritual beliefs
• Emotional needs are to be loved without conditions
• You need influence your child positively on ethical issues

This article was written by Sheila O’Malley, Practical Parenting, web: www.practicalparenting.ie

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