Blog

Dr Miriam Stoppard wrote recently in the London Independent about the importance of good bedtime routines for your baby/child.

I am not in favour of a current trend for training a baby to sleep termed “controlled crying”. This is where your child is left to cry for increasingly long periods of time in the hope they will stop crying. This is very stressful for the parent and also for the child. As I see it; the only thing the child will learn is that there is no point in crying as no one will respond anyway. Think of yourself as a baby and ask ‘how would that make me feel?’ I imagine I would feel abandoned, vulnerable, anxious and very alone.

Our child’s greatest need is for unconditional love from us, because they are 100% dependant on us. Therefore, it makes sense that they need to be responded to with love in order to feel secure. This can be a stressful and demanding time for a mother with sleepless nights, and exhaustion to deal with. Parents need to give each other considerable support, share out the ‘having to get up’ to the baby and they also need seek support from friends and family. Infants don’t cry for no reason. Crying is their major way of communicating a need. Indeed babies exhibit several different kinds of crying and the parent needs to acquaint themselves the different purposes. Pain hunger, thirst, need for nurturance or attention are some of the reasons why babies cry.

Mothers need to ask for more help and support “I am tired and I need some rest”. From groups I work with, a mum who values herself enough to rest  will parent better. So much unnecessary conflict arises from a parent suffering from tiredness and overload, when we learn to value ourselves, the whole family benefits! We cannot give to a crying child what we have not got, and if your battery is flat, it needs to be recharged. Then, we can respond to our child with the love we have shown ourselves and offer them the care, warmth and security they are crying out for.

Research tells us that physical touch promotes serotonin – a lack of which leads to depression. Therefore, we need act on instinct and respond to our child’s physical needs (hug,cuddle,hold) to ensure they feel happy and secure. Touch actually produces a change in the chemistry in the body.

Studies tell us that children are more likely to feel secure when their ‘cry for help’ is responded to promptly, consistently and  appropriately.  So, what can you do to help a child fall asleep easily?

This is what has worked for me!

Blackout blinds are essential during these summer months.  My daughter gets a hot water bottle every night.  A good bedtime routine is crucial with a set bedtime. It is important you are relaxed when settling them with a bedtime story as their ability to settle depends on how secure they feel.  Some children like a nightlight; some who have had nightmares find a ‘Dream catcher’ helps.  Do not send them to their bedroom as punishment, as the bedroom should have only positive associations for the child.

Tips

• Spend time with them to help them fall asleep
• Your physical presence makes them feel secure
• As security grows, gradually withdraw over time
• Assure child you will make regular checks, and do!
• Blackout blinds essential for long summer nights
• A warm bath before bed relaxes the over active child
• Separation anxiety makes bedtime a challenge
• A bedtime routine reduces that anxiety
• A child who feels loved & secure will settle more easily
• No, they don’t come with an ‘OFF’ switch!

This article was written by Sheila O’Malley, Practical Parenting, web: www.practicalparenting.ie

For more information

Practical Parenting offers a full range of Support and Training to Parents including:  One to one Parent Support, One Day Parenting Class and Weekly Parenting Course as well as Parenting Talks in Schools/Organisations.

Click here to find and book a parenting class or gain parenting skills by checking out some helpful Parental videos, Parenting articles, Parenting Tips or our Parents magazine. Please contact Sheila with any query.