How do we deal best with the arrival of a new baby?
What are the things you can do to smooth the transition for your child when a new baby comes home? I told my child about my pregnancy at the same time as I announced it publicly to ensure that they did not hear it from someone else and feel left out. I brought my daughter to the doctors and she was able to listen to the baby’s heartbeat and felt involved all along.
Throughout the pregnancy use opportunities to involve your child with preparation for the new arrival. Shopping for baby supplies and allowing her to choose between product choices ensures she ‘buys into the idea’. Also it makes her feel responsible, competent and valued.
Before the birth
In addition, there are excellent baby books on the market that prepare your child for the changes that the new baby brings. However, nothing is better than talking on a 1 to 1 and being honest that the early days will be busy and that they will feel put out but you will do your best to make special time for them and need their help.
I know visitors kindly remembered to bring a gift for my child rather than the new baby which was very welcome and I did the same for friends.
Sibling Rivalry
If you want to understand what sibling rivalry feel like; think how you would feel if your husband or partner came home and said that they loved you so much; they decided they were getting another one just like you; but not to worry as you would both be best friends!
You can never treat each child equally; but you can treat them uniquely.
Sibling rivalry is a real issue that every parent has to deal with, however there are things you can do to reduce the incidence of it. What is the child’s feeling? A feeling of not being loved enough usually, therefore what is the solution? A ‘one on one’ with your child reassures them of your love and their value. Sometimes, we interact less with our challenging child and more with another less challenging child, thereby reinforcing insecurities.
Compassion is the No 1 response to challenging behaviour
If she is acting out to get your attention (negative attention is better than no attention) ignore the misbehaviour and send out messages of love and approval to her to reduce her insecurity. When your child deserves your love the least, they need it the most. Spend eight minutes of undistracted time with her daily. That is all it takes for a child to feel loved and valued and the more you notice them, the less attention they seek. Conflict is a necessary part of family life and where relationships are good it serves to deepen family wellbeing, so let’s respond to this cry for help.
Reducing Sibling Rivalry
How do you respond as parents when there is rivalry between siblings? Get in control of your response and remain calm. Allow expression of feelings and seek to understand only when they calm down however. When you do that they feel heard, respected and loved and conflicts reduce.
It all starts with you so take great care of yourself first, so you can then take care of your family! If you try ensure adequate rest and care of self; you will respond better when conflict happens.
- Ignore attention seeking behaviour, instead give positive attention later on
- 8 minutes of undistracted 1 on 1 time ensures a child feel’s loved
- Elder child needs an entitlement for responsibility shown
- Kindess and compassion for elder child is essential
Discipline, with Love using: ABCCC
A Acknowledge the Feeling: “I know he is annoying you”
B Boundary: “But we don’t hit in this family”
C Choice: “If you choose to –, you choose not to have the TV later, you decide”
C Consequence: Apply if necessary
C Consistent: Be consistent
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