Observe my responses and if they are defensive – it’s an offortunity to explore and an invitation to change
Relationship with self is key to effective parenting. If how I relate to myself is poor, then it is likely that my parenting is going to reflect that. If I am self critical, then I will be critical of my child, who needs only love and for me to correct the behaviour but always love his/her person.
Parenting and Self Esteem
Examining how you relate to others is revealing as the parent is the architect in the family but how is your internal architecture? Do you have an warm accepting relationship with self and if so, this will be mirrored out to your child who will have good self esteem and be solid in themselves.
Practical Parenting Tips
- Observing how you have related to others today
- An awareness emerges of the link between how I am in myself is how I am with another
- Developing a gentler, kinder way of relating to self means you will relate also this way with your child
- Watch the relationships improve as you show compassion towards self and others
- You will see that all behaviour makes sense
Parenting: It’s not what happens; but my response to it that matters
If I try change what happens between people, without examining what happens within each person, I will not resolve conflict.
Difficult behaviour in the Family
Instead, if I show unconditional love towards self and others, I and they don’t need defenses. Therefore, if you or someone in your family is troubled or troubling, the number 1 response to that person needs to be compassion. Consciousness of what lies hidden is critical and compassion provides the safety for the ‘why of the behaviour to emerge.
Each of us has our own story and we bring our story into every relationship. The past comes into the present until we resolve it.
How do you improve how you relate to self?
By being nicer to yourself, taking some Time out for you, recognising that you first need to take care of yourself before you take care of others, treating yourself well and being kind and accepting of yourself and your efforts. Going to bed earlier means I get up earlier; a simple change is is you normally rush & race, to Allow Adequate Time to do things, then you are calmer and more patient and children will respond better to that mummy that the cranky, impatient and irritable Mummy!
Working Parenting Groups & Work/Life Balance
Many working parents groups now focus on looking at Work/Life balance understanding that all without this balance, work and family suffer. The more the stress you are under, the greater the need to mind and take care of yourself, taking time out to exercise and walk is a MUST and makes everything else more manageable.
Watch what you eat and drink and take adequate exercise.
Be aware of portion size and avoid snacking. Find an exercise you enjoy and increase your physical activity, maybe with a friend, so there is a social element also.
Think Positive (What I choose to believe becomes true for me)
Thinking well of yourself pays enormous dividends, so praise yourself for every little thing. Turn your negative thoughts “I can’t do it” to positive ones “I can do it”. Encourage and believe in yourself, aware that if you think you can do it, that you probably can. Change the inner critical voice to a supportive one. “I accept myself as I am”. Affirmations work “I handled that really well”
Make more time for friends who make you feel good.
Friends and family can be a great support if they are the ‘spark’ people in your life, so make time for them, their belief in you is important.
Learn to say No & don’t push yourself so hard
Conflict with our kids can often come from tiredness and overload , therefore do less, say no more often, and push yourself less. If it’s hard for you to say no, say you need time to think it over.
Many mothers put everyone ahead of them, so an occasional treat shows you value yourself, and makes a difference to how you feel. It could be buying yourself some flowers or something for the bath, so don’t forget you need a bit of nurturing too!
Fun & Laughter
Have some fun with your kids. They love to see you acting silly, take time for tickles, cuddles and a laugh. Fun and laughter relieve tension and children feel valued when we choose to spend time with them.
You are a role model for your children therefore, the more you model self acceptance; the more they will accept themselves as ‘good enough’.