Argumentative, Uncooperative Child
“My four year old has been argumentative, uncooperative, sulking and attention seeking and that’s before the tantrums! After the class ‘When a child feels right; he behaves right’, I make the link that my four year old son felt usurped since the arrival of the new baby, and he had become more childlike. Over the past week, I’ve had an ‘out of body’ experience; where I am observing my responses to him; I am consciously stepping back from his behaviour; stepping back from the way I would usually respond. Instead I ‘LOVED HIM UP!”.
Instead of my previous “You must, you should, You have to; I am using ‘I’ messages; like “I feel upset when you.. and I need..”. As I ‘Loved him up’ he responded fantastically well; tantrums reduced, and he mirrored back the love I was showing him and told me “I love you”
“I was up all night one night with the baby and the following morning with no sleep I was like an antichrist, everything went downhill. However, I made the link; that how I am determines in huge measure how things go at home; therefore, I resolved to stay in touch also with how I feel “I feel shattered” and to prioritise getting the rest I need after I dropped him to school; rather than do what I would have done and prioritised all the housework I could do!
Recognising that I can only give him what I have given to myself; I did not beat myself up over ‘losing it’ and said instead ‘you did the best you could with no sleep, now what is it you need to do for yourself to get on track again? Rest, ‘parent the parent”
Parent No 2 Tip:
“I hit my PAUSE button, walk outside momentarily. Other times, I stop, look and listen to them, it may only take thirty seconds, but it is all they need, to be heard, respected. So yes, I give Time, to see what is behind the behaviour, I am probably more self aware, I observe and stay separate, I don’t get involved in every little thing, which means my wife and I have both noticed, the home is calmer as we’re more in charge of our behaviour and we give them more responsibility, they seem happier.”