Managing your child’s challenging behaviour 11

July 21st, 2010 by Sheila

The Mum Song – enjoy this short funny video

If you keep doing what you’ve always done; you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got. Let’s look at dealing with ‘bad behavior’ and invite you to deal with it differently this week.

This behavior can be tantrums, aggression, uncooperative etc. See that the child is trying to tell you how difficult life is for him. What lies hidden needs to be revealed.

You’ll be surprised to find that when you are different, the child is different.

What you put out; you get back, the more you love & approve your child, the less difficult behaviour you will encounter.

Responding to the difficult behavior

  • Blame the behaviour not the child “ I love you but cannot accept that behavior”
  • Don’t use a ‘You’ message (blame) “You are so bold”
  • Instead use “I” messages “I feel upset when.”
  • Take action for self  (get out of the room if you are going to ‘lose it’)
  • Stay calm, stay separate from the behaviour – do not personalise it
  • Do not get into conflict or break relationship with the child

Why the bad behaviour? When a child feels right; they behave right

  • A feeling of not being loved enough
  • Low Self Esteem

Acknowledge the Feeling of who is most upset

  • “I hear your anger; when you  calm down; we can talk” (child upset)
  • “I feel upset..and I need (parent upset)

Look at yourself

  • Reflect on your interaction with your child that day
  • Note three positive things about the child each day
  • Do you affirm this child and treat them with respect?
  • Did you unconditionally love him, not for what he does, but who he is?

Helpful Hints:

  • Good behaviour increases when noticed “I noticed..”
  • De-emphasise bad behaviour-it will decrease
  • Catch the child being good-not bad reinforces more good behaviour
  • See your child as a person with  rights; treat with respect
  • Distraction works if used early enough
  • When they deserve your love the least; they need it the most
  • The more attention you give; the less they demand

This article was written by Sheila O’Malley, Practical Parenting

For further information

Practical Parenting offers a full range of support services to Parents including: One to one Parent Support, One Day Parenting Class and Weekly Courses as well as Parenting Talks in Schools/Companies/Organisations.

Click here to find and book a class or gain parenting tips by checking out some helpful Parental videos, Parenting articles or our Parents magazine. Please contact Sheila with any query.

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